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Callibration is the mother of effective communication yet it’s almost never taught to the depth required for mastery. In our training we deepen our calibration skills. Calibration is the difference between highly effecitive and engaging speakers and not so engaging speakers.

NLP Coaching Bali

Teaching NLP Bali starts !

Trainer Megan Shannon Frey sharing her experience.

Participants are eager to start working.

How do you feel a handshake?

Teaching inside and out. BaliNLP

Exercise partners change to keep the exercises authentic.

NLP Calibration Coaching Bali

Trainer Kevin Liang at an exercie.

Sunrise at BaliNLP.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/adriancahill_coaching-balinlp-activity-6628150539463028737-q3lo

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/adriancahill_executivecoaching-personaldevelopment-activity-6628151234169790464-LC3O

What is an Enlightened Relationship

In this article, we are going to cover what is and how to create an Enlightened Relationship.

The traditional “Til Death Do Us Part” and “They Lived Happily Ever After” are falling away as evidenced by the growing divorce rates in almost every country around the world. Recently I travelled to Bali, Singapore, Shanghai and in every city I heard single people complain about not being able to find the one, or not wanting to date. I also met a lot of couples who seemed to be in the common stage of living together but perhaps because of convenience or fear of the unknown rather than together for love. So I think it’s kind of official that Failed relationships are the new norm and that SUCKS. I’m going to share here not just hope, but a deeper description of an Enlightened Relationship and how to move towards creating one rather than repeating the same old same old. 

What is an Enlightened Relationship?

There are multiple stages and states in relationships. Stages are like levels, states are temporary. Sometimes states go on too long and seem like levels. The ‘Honey Moon Effect’ or ‘Puppy Love’ could be viewed as a state or a stage. Either way, what if a Traditional Relationship was also a stage? Divorce another stage? Enlightened Relationship is the stage I want you to get to.

So the Enlightened Relationship is a stage where most relationships don’t get to and if your anything like me, or most people I’ve worked with over the past decade, a lot of our parents weren’t there either. Relationships deserve an overhaul. Most of us are destined to stay at low stages of development but thank god you are here reading this now! If you have read a single article or blog of mine, then you already know I love transforming lives I hope you can be next.

 

How to go beyond the Honey Moon Effect, and beyond a Traditional relationship?

Personal development is the name of the game and when people transcend their lives, they transform not only their lives but the lives of those around them as well. So please do this for you, and for all those around you! The big secret isn’t such a secret. It’s in developing your self. See most people in the lower stages of relationships are at a level of blame. I’ll explain the level there. A second problem is priorities. Another is a lack of quality knowledge. And lastly presence, or BEing. Being the person. Rather than not finding the one, stepping up and BEing the One.  

 

Problem 1. 

Victim to Trancendance:

Level 1. Victim. Blaming others. The outside world is at fault.

Level 2. Responsibility. I’m at fault. I have to go out there and try. 

Level 3. In the flow. Enjoying life. 

Level 4. Transcendence. Oneness. 

Most of our society is at Level 1 or 2. Seeking to get into 3 occasionally 4. Level 4 is pretty rare and it’s more like a temporary state unless you are a monk.

As a Coach I’m having a few deep conversations every day. Typically when my clients (or myself for that matter) are having problems in our relationship, we often go straight to Level 1. Blame! But I remind my clients, to step up, step into Level 2. And then step into Level 3.  Another great example of this is to listen to anyone going through a breakup or divorce. A lot of divorcees will spend years at each level. On the upside, when they ‘let go’ enough they start to really enjoy each new level. 

So in your relationship, which level are you at? Want to move up? 
Exit Level 1 by letting go of blame and accepting personal responsibility.

Exit Level 2 by letting go of control and embracing uncertainty.

Exit Level 3 by letting go of duality. (Advanced stuff not covered here)

 

Problem 2. 

Priorities:

Many 30year olds in China find that dating and relationships are a struggle. In Australia, it’s very common too but the priorities are so different. Very very rough here but look, most of us grow up as a member of a family with mum and dad. Or grandparents. Their belief system affects ours. People have a different order of priorities. Education, Career, Money, Family, Fun, Health, Spirituality, etc. I know very very few people who have a very high priority for LEARNING how to have successful relationships. Yet I met a lot of people with a very high priority for finding the one. Or for dating. Or being social. Or working hard to get an apartment/job/title, and then I’ll get married and have kids. 

Remember Education is a business. Businesses funded by the government, or shareholders, often both. Yet few educational institutions teach EQ or relationship skills. I’ve never heard of a school teaching the models featured in my articles. Yet self-learning, self-directed learning could be a priority. I launched MOTIVATE Shanghai in 2012 and we have had over 200 events where people come and learn all kinds of things from communications, NLP, coaching, relationships…… 

Before expecting to magically have a wonderful relationship, put some time into learning how to create one!!!  

 

Problem 3.

Quality Knowledge:

Hire me! or Ask me for directions to cheaper solutions if you’re on a budget.  Skip Youtube and Social Media. Look for books that are 10+years old. A great indicator is books that become classics. Kahlil Gibran, Rumi are just as relevant today as ever. John Gottman and John Gray are good in my opinion, however as men, they are not very masculine. Masculinity attracts Femininity. Vica Versa. Even in gay relationships, one partner plays the other energy. Learning to understand this energy is valuable. Gary Chapman, 5 Love Languages. Insightful.

Learning to understand self is priceless

 

Problem 4.

Presence:

Remember the levels from Victim to Transcendence. Going up the levels requires letting go of the past levels. Being really mindful and IN ONESELF, present with oneself will lead to letting go of blame, maybe even letting go of level 2 or 3. 

I feel a real presence, mindfulness is real strength/compassion for both men and women. It’s not for the fake brave. Not for the go-getters that are so busy go-getting, they don’t have time to confront their own stuff. This surface-level presence, or surface-level mindfulness, can lead to some benefits, but those benefits are more in line with the lower level needs. Going really deep with your self, fully aware of yourself often leads to new awarenesses and insights. Some writers/psych people talk about shadow work or a dark side. This shadow work is really powerful with our own personal development and is then reflected in leaps and bounds in our relationships. 

See a lot of us live our lives chasing more and more material wealth believing that when we have enough material wealth, then we will be happy or suddenly be fulfilled. It’s a false life based on the Ego. But it sells. Just like the Mindfulness Teacher on Social Media telling everyone how mindful he is. 

To enter the Enlightened Relationship we need to move towards our own enlightenment while accommodating and supporting our partner in theirs. We must find ourselves in our own ways.

 

 

Now we have covered the problems, the process is pretty clear. Some points are refreshed here in a different light and some may be new. 

To be in an Enlightened Relationship starts with 3 requirements:
happy enlighted couple. What is an enlightened relationship

1. It takes 2 conscious beings, in other words, a couple that has both transcended or have been exposed to their true selves. Both are willing to be 100% accountable for themselves and their relationship. Not just 50% or sharing responsibility. Both take full accountability. David Hawkins sums it up brilliantly: “By taking the responsibility for the consequences of his own perceptions, the observer can transcend the role of victim to an understanding that ‘nothing out there has power over you.’ It isn’t life’s events, but how one reacts to them and the attitude that one has about them, that determines whether such events have a positive or negative effect on one’s life, whether they’re experienced as an opportunity or as stress.”

2. You have to know and work on yourself. For you to own yourself and speak your truth about whatever comes up for you in honesty and authenticity. This begins by working on your shadow, your fears, and your dark side. You need to accept the traits you don’t like, or that may not seem positive as all traits contribute to the whole. When we do this ourselves, the relationship changes in our eyes. As this happens it makes space for external changes. Change becomes more easily and natural.

3. Recognise that it’s not natural to be right so often. As babies and children we learn through making mistakes, not by avoiding them. Yet perhaps school or ego, doesn’t seem to appreciate this. As we get older perhaps we get conditioned to strive to be right, rather than happy!

We must let go of our attachment with being right. This goes further. You have to let go of your expectations as to how the relationship should look, how the other should be, or how you should feel and be ok with letting go. Letting go, surrendering, loosing are often portrayed as negative things we should avoid. Could you imagine playing a game of cards if you never lost? Now would you enjoy playing with someone who never or couldn’t handle losing? Losing is an essential part of life. Hence my comment about Ice Cream on Pooh and the motivational world. We have to be negative at times in order to be positive at times. We need bad to know what good is. Being wrong is vital and if you can focus on being wrong, “being ok with being wrong” then being ok with the unknown suddenly becomes a lot easier.

 

 

Would you like to assess where you are or develop more? 

Enlightened Relationship and Esteem Test

I created this myself through my coaching studies and work with clients. You need to be completely honest. Please EMAIL yourself a copy and one will be saved in the system. If you ask for a consultation session, this will help greatly.

 

For those interested in relationship coaching, couples coaching and counselling. Please feel free to reach out for a consultation, even if I’m not the one, I can point you in the right direction perhaps. My wife is studying with The Gottman Institute. They are one of the world leaders in understanding and developing relationships. Lin is already creating success stories and very capable.

So the best starting point is having a discussion with me over Skype or Phone and I’ll happily recommend or help you find something in your budget and time frame, to your particular style. Schedule a free chat with me here Free call to Adrian. 

 

Have a great day. Talk soon.

 

What is an Enlightened Relationship, by Adrian Cahill
 

Click here for your free relationship test
Click here to contact me about a consultation

Adrian Cahill NLP Coach

As an x-soldier serving on various deployments in places like Afghanistan and running my first team in ‘hot’ live-action filled places, most people would say I might know a thing or two about Leadership. This includes Leadership Development in China where I have lived and continue to funnel efforts into social enterprise and development. I find leadership development in China is an exciting field to be in. I personally enjoy a ‘piece of the action’ nowadays through being a coach for Expats and small business owners behind the great wall of China. 

People are often surprised when they hear about my Army background. They say things like, but you’re so calm. I may be calm. But I’ve had my fair share of unexpected demons along with a ride of ups and downs. People often say they don’t have the discipline to be in the armed forces and I respect that. Often I find myself talking with high-quality men and women from a variety of backgrounds and find we have a lot in common. But yes, soldiers generally do have a lot of discipline.

For years I thought the best characteristic for being an effective soldier was discipline. It is vital yet my struggles lead me to deep research and endless studies with some surprising findings.

I would like to share one particular study with you as this links back to the Article about Yin and Yang which is actually a comparison between the Eastern or Taoist Yin Yang and the Western Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). This will all make sense in less than 5 minutes.

Leadership Development in China is missing the point.

Discipline is vital, but so is self-leadership, self-efficacy, self-motivation. In fact, there is a pile of vital keys which may make leadership development or leadership coaching a hot topic but they are missing the point.  Leadership development in China and beyond will soon be realising some new truths and slowly, very slowly it’s coming out. 

A recent study compared Navy SEALs to “non-elite” conventional military groups (elite vs. non-elite). The SEALs had higher heart rate dipping, which means that during sleep, when the parasympathetic system takes over to induce recovery, their heart rates dropped by an average of 29%, whereas the non-elites dropped by only 21%.

The SEALs also had lower baseline levels of the stress hormone cortisol during the day while in a non-stressed environment, despite an equal level of cortisol release during a stressful survival course. Cortisol is released by the ANS.

battlefields-of-afghanistan-leadership development in China-leadership-coachingThat’s a crucial point. The elite performers had stronger parasympathetic tone during non-stressful living conditions. Meaning they had lower heart rates, and lower stress hormones when they were in safer conditions. The ability to relax well is an asset. If they were unable to relax, their body would not recover and they would suffer more long-term issues arising from excess stress.  The ability to quickly switch from sympathetic to parasympathetic is something that can be learned and developed.

In another study comparing Australian Special Forces soldiers to conventional troops during an intense training course, the Special Forces soldiers were found to have higher levels of sympathetic-driven nor-epinephrine during the stressful scenarios. When the training was over, the nor-epinephrine levels of the Special Forces soldiers returned to pre-training baseline, whereas the non-elite soldiers had significantly depressed levels. Their sympathetic system was exhausted. These elite soldiers, when stressed had even higher levels of stress-related chemicals to help them fight, and again, they were able to drop down into relax mode better than non-elite.

The vital key missing from a lot of leadership development coaches, speakers or leadership development experts in China and greater Asia, the key is this awareness and skill in influencing the ANS. Being able to fully be in the sympathetic system when required. Being able to access well. And then switching to the parasympathetic system and really recovering.

The sympathetic system and parasympathetic system are in my opinion the real Yin Yang often spoken about in the East and in traditional Chinese Medicine. Elite soldiers, elite leaders are often unaware of this terminology, but they thoroughly understand the concept of ‘Work hard, rest hard’. By being able to fully swing high on each end of the Autonomic Nervous System we are able to gain a broader reach with our bodies system, emotional flexibility, over all capabilities and both long and short term success.

This skill of switching consciously, (by choice) can be trained and developed. Making it happen faster and further is something I experienced first hand as a soldier preparing for Afghanistan. It’s something I enjoyed teaching and challenging my team to do better in.

Currently, I’m working with a few executive clients in the Asian cities. We work pre-dominantly through simple coaching conversations. In these conversations we can role play, create visualizations, or use more complicated technology like the HeartMaths systems (a device for monitoring Heart Rate Variability (HRV).

If I were to ‘sell you’ Leaderships Coaching’ or ‘Leadership Development Coaching’ I might empathizes discipline, or time management but these are smaller details or smaller skills which are a side effect of an effect coming from a ‘better place’ emotionally/calmly/physically. Hence you can focus (or sell) development products all day. And this can be good business. Like, keep selling motivation tapes. Go faster, go harder. To get real results fast and easily it’s about the maximizing the emotional and behavioral flexibility of the individual. This is greatly assisted by having them control there own Autonomic Nervous System, like the aforementioned ‘Elite Soldier studies’. When soldiers (or executives) are in the right mode, they are more likely to naturally display the calmer, more preciese behavior and flexibility which leads to far better resluts. Naturally developing, naturally growing, naturally becoming more and more elite through mastering ones ability to become centered. 

Leadership Development in China and beyond…

If you would like a short session on how to train your body to automatically switch between systems more efficiently or you think we should engage in a conversation, please just reach out. There are various 3-minute power meditations, HRV training, or Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) exercises I would love to recommend. Particularly for veterans. For any veterans experiencing PTSD or anxiety, I am happy to give extra free time. Although my expertise is more along Leadership Development in China, I am happy to help out fellow veterans when I can.

leadership development in China & Leadership Coaching with Adi

Hi all. I just completed PSYCH-K training in Australia. I will be using PSYCH-K in Australia and the Asian Cities I work in. I plan to use it as a complimentary service, tool or methodology offered/used for my clients in turning obstacles into milestones. Here I’ll cover what it is, how I found it, and a few video’s from it’s creators. 

Psych-K free your mindI first came into PSYCH-K after some 5 years after I started NLP & Coaching. So already pretty clued up, skilled and working with my own clients before I found this. Then it happened. I had my first PSYCH-K and WOW.

The session I had was over Skype with Dr Preet Khatiri. That’s right. Over Skype. And, in that one Skype session, I experienced such a large shift that I lost my voice for maybe 4 or 5 hours.

Since then I’ve met a few practitioners of PSYCH-K in Australia and yet to meet any outside. I’m sure they are there though and like any modality, there is low and high quality amongst practitioners. Ensure you look for certification and testimonials.

As mentioned I will be using PSYCH-K in Australia, Asia and of course virtually. 

Ok so what is PSYCH-K

Bruce Lipton Free Your Mind

PSYCH-K® is the user-friendly way to change the software of your mind. This profoundly effective, verifiable, repeatable and simple process helps us identify and change our programming. Terminology varies but basically, every cell is affected by its perception. “Realty” depends on our perception. So it’s actually our perception of reality that shapes us.

The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton

Bruce Lipton is largely responsible for the growth and popularity of PSYCH-K.

PSYCH-K in Australia The Biology of BeliefAs a Cell Biologist, Bruce Lipton made a phenomenal discovery. He was teaching and lecturing that genes had the codes/master plan to grow and act accordingly. This was/is common accepted western science. Yet through his research Bruce Lipton discovered that cells movements and growth are heavily affected or even directed, by the environment they are in. The important thing is that it wasn’t actually the environment. It was the perception of the environment. When cells perceived food or danger, they moved accordingly. Therefore cells acted according to the perceived environment rather than the real environment. And this continues through to full grown adults. We respond to the world we perceive. Add to that, your perception is based on your beliefs. Hence:

“Your beliefs control your psychological and biological reality” Bruce Lipton Ph.D. Author The Biology of Belief”

If you believe that it’s cold outside you may take a jumper. It doesn’t matter if it cold or not. If you believe that it is cold, you perceive it as cold.

If you get outside and it’s 15 degrees and if you believe or perceive that as cold, you will react however you react. If you get outside and it’s 30 degrees, then your belief and perception may quickly change. Yet to some people 15 degrees may warm. And sometimes, I see people wearing a jumper even when I feel it’s quite warm.

I believe almost everyone in this world is loving and caring. I believe strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet. These beliefs support me in my day to day life.

Your beliefs are the foundation of your personality. They ultimately shape you as worthy or worthless, powerful or powerless, competent or incompetent, trusting or suspicious, belonging or outcast, self-reliant or dependent, flexible or judgmental, fairly treated or victimized, loved or hated. Your beliefs have far reaching consequences both positive and negative, in your life. Beliefs affect your mood, relationships, job performance, self-esteem, physical and mental health, even your religious and spiritual outlook.

PSYCH-K in AustraliaAccording to traditional psychology, we inherit most of our beliefs from the people and the environment that surrounds us before the age of 7.

When I was 7, I was taught don’t talk to strangers. Imagine being 30, trying to network but still having this belief.

I also remember seeing people regularly fighting or arguing over money. Who knows what beliefs I had lodged in my poor 7-year-old brain.

As an adult, I tried to change these beliefs. Sometimes I bought programs, books, cd sets, dvd’s and seminar tickets.

A lot of this doesn’t work for 2 main reasons:

  1. They often work on a conscious level. (Common knowledge now that you need to work the subconscious level)
  2. You often do the reading/listening/actions by yourself. (Trying to push a car uphill)

To create real change PSYCH-K or preferably, working with a coach that understands PSYCH-K and NLP it is so much easier. PSYCH-K by itself is great and from my experience here are the 3 main reasons.

  1. Solid foundations for identifying which belief can cause problems.
  2. PSYCH-K has researched and supplied a collection of beliefs to check and work on. They have done groundwork.
  3. We can discuss and choose a way to handle or change that to a supporting belief.

 

 

PSYCH-K is a user-friendly way to change the software of your mind and the print out of your life!

Popularly characterized as a kind of spiritual process with psychological benefits or the “short-cut” to personal change, PSYCH-K is a quick, direct and lasting way to transform stress or trauma and establish or hardwire powerful self-supporting beliefs at the subconscious level of mind where nearly all-human behavior exists.

Its overall purpose is to accelerate personal and professional growth. Individual and global consciousness. It can target specific beliefs or can focus on aligning your belief system with the collective belief’s of the world’s greatest spiritual and intellectual traditions. It makes wisdom a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Rob Williams Personal History and PSYCH-K® Philosophy

PSYCH-K® High Speed Mindset Change

I regularly do Coaching, NLP, PSYCH-K in Shanghai China and PSYCH-K in Australia, however, I love to travel. Also, it is amazing what we can do over the phone in a simple conversation.

PSYCH-K in Australia

adrian-qr-codeIf this isn’t right for you RIGHT NOW, feel free to follow, or schedule a time to just chat and get more information or ask your questions. PSYCH-K in Australia.

 

Thank you dearly.
Adrian Cahill

28/11/19 Running an amazing online course, 5 people are about to complete and holding a 9 day NLP Coaching Practitioner Retreat with ICF Credentials. Anyone wanting Training, call me quick price is going up each month. Will hold a Master Practitioner and Master Mind in the following months. Enjoy this article I wrote for YOU! 

Hi all. I just completed PSYCH-K in China and Hong Kong as a complimentary service, tool or methodology offered/used in helping my clients solve challenges, hit new highs, achieve balance, fulfillment and more. (I can’t wait to share PSYCH-K in Shanghai)

PSYCH-KI first came into PSYCH-K after some 5 years after I started NLP & Coaching. So already pretty clued up, skilled and working with my own clients before I found this. Then it happened. I had my first PSYCH-K and WOW.

The session I had was over Skype with Dr Preet Khatiri. That’s right. Over Skype. And, in that one Skype session, I experienced such a large shift that I lost my voice for maybe 4 or 5 hours.

Since then I’ve met a few practitioners of PSYCH-K and like any modality, there is low and high quality amongst practitioners. Like always look for certification (it’s not just a piece of paper, it means their committed to pay for training) and testimonials (they have actually have gotten results).

As mentioned I use PSYCH-K in China, Hong Kong, and Australia. I may use PSYCH-K in Bali, Tokyo & Malaysia when I travel to those places next. I’m not going to use it instead of other methodologies I have, it’s a wonderful addition and tool I am looking forward to offering to others.

Ok so what is Psych-K

Bruce Lipton Free Your Mind

PSYCH-K® is the user-friendly way to change the software of your mind. This profoundly effective, verifiable, repeatable and simple process helps us identify and change our programming. Terminology varies but basically, every cell is affected by it’s perception. “Realty” depends on our perception. So it’s actually our perception of reality that shapes us.

The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton

Bruce Lipton is largely responsible for the growth and popularity of PSYCH-K.

The Biology of BeliefAs a Cell Biologist, Bruce Lipton made a phenomenal discovery. He was teaching and lecturing that genes had the codes/master plan to grow and act accordingly. This was/is common accepted western science. Yet through his research Bruce Lipton discovered that cells movements and growth are heavily affected or even directed, by the environment they are in. The important thing is that it wasn’t actually the environment. It was the perception of the environment. When cells perceived food or danger, they moved accordingly. Therefore cells acted according to the perceived environment rather than the real environment. And this continues through to full grown adults. We respond to the world we perceive. Add to that, your perception is based on your beliefs. Hence:

“Your beliefs control your psychological and biological reality” Bruce Lipton Ph.D. Author The Biology of Belief”

If you believe that it’s cold outside you may take a jumper. It doesn’t matter if it cold or not. If you believe that it is cold, you perceive it as cold.

If you get outside and it’s 15 degrees and if you believe or perceive that as cold, you will react however you react. If you get outside and it’s 30 degrees, then your belief and perception may quickly change. Yet to some people 15 degrees may warm. And sometimes, I see people wearing a jumper even when I feel it’s quite warm.

I believe almost everyone in this world is loving and caring. I believe strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet. These beliefs support me in my day to day life.

Your beliefs are the foundation of your personality. They ultimately shape you as worthy or worthless, powerful or powerless, competent or incompetent, trusting or suspicious, belonging or outcast, self-reliant or dependent, flexible or judgmental, fairly treated or victimized, loved or hated. Your beliefs have far reaching consequences both positive and negative, in your life. Beliefs affect your mood, relationships, job performance, self-esteem, physical and mental health, even your religious and spiritual outlook.

PSYCH-K free your mindAccording to traditional psychology, we inherit most of our beliefs from the people and the environment that surrounds us before the age of 7.

When I was 7, I was taught don’t talk to strangers. Imagine being 30, trying to network but still having this belief.

I also remember seeing people regularly fighting or arguing over money. Who knows what beliefs I had lodged in my poor 7-year-old brain.

As an adult, I tried to change these beliefs. Sometimes I bought programs, books, cd sets, dvd’s and seminar tickets.

A lot of this doesn’t work for 2 main reasons:

  1. They often work on a conscious level. (Common knowledge now that you need to work the subconscious level)
  2. You often do the reading/listening/actions by yourself. (Trying to push a car uphill)

To create real change PSYCH-K or preferably, working with a coach that understands PSYCH-K and NLP it is so much easier. PSYCH-K by itself is great and from my experience here are the 3 main reasons.

  1. Solid foundations for identifying which belief can cause problems.
  2. PSYCH-K has researched and supplied a collection of beliefs to check and work on. They have done ground work.
  3. We can discuss and choose a way to handle or change that to a supporting belief.

 

 

PSYCH-K is a user-friendly way to change the software of your mind and the print out of your life!

Popularly characterized as a kind of spiritual process with psychological benefits or the “short-cut” to personal change, PSYCH-K is a quick, direct and lasting way to transform stress or trauma and establish or hardwire powerful self-supporting beliefs at the subconscious level of mind where nearly all-human behavior exists.

Its overall purpose is to accelerate personal and professional growth. Individual and global consciousness. It can target specific beliefs or can focus on aligning your belief system with the collective belief’s of the world’s greatest spiritual and intellectual traditions. It makes wisdom a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Rob Williams Personal History and PSYCH-K® Philosophy

PSYCH-K® High Speed Mindset Change

I regularly do Coaching, NLP, PSYCH-K in Shanghai China, however, I love to travel. Also, it is amazing what we can do over the phone in a simple conversation.

book-consultation-today

adrian-qr-codeIf this isn’t right for you RIGHT NOW, feel free to follow on Facebook or Linkedin, or schedule a time to just chat and get more information or ask your questions.

Thank you dearly.
Adrian Cahill

I wrote this up in 2014 and still talk about it regularly. It is one of the most amazing and comprehensive models I’ve ever come across and it I hope it will blow your mind as much as it has mine. I can see on slide share that it has been viewed over 1000 times, but downloaded over 100 times. People don’t just look at this, they keep it and often refer back to it. There are hundreds of ways to use the model.

It’s very valuable to anyone interested in personal or organisational development.

Be aware, you are where you are. Don’t try to push yourself or pretend to be somewhere you are not. Simply be aware of the level you are playing at, perhaps the level of the people and organisations around. From that awareness, you can make conscious decision to play at your regular, lower or higher value level.

 

Spiral Dynamics by Adrian Cahill

 

 

Spiral Dynamics with Adrian Cahill

 

Purpose of life? Babies 🙂 perhaps.

Spiral Dynamics by Adrian Cahill

You may be reading this because you stumbled upon my page or perhaps your fascinated with East to West methodologies. Or perhaps some other reason but, either way it boils down to this:

Yin and Yang is a simple concept. One of the biggest killers of people in this world I strongly suspect, and this has been backed up in further studies, is from too much Yang. Or in the west we may say too much stress.

If you are looking for a more ‘factual’ or western explanation of mindfulness, balance, stress, Yin/Yang, or demystifying East to West philosophy your in the right place. This article is the western science applied to Yin Yang and how it affects the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) which you will learn about in the next minutes. You will also have some action steps to improve your own balance and awareness.


 

two_wolves_sketch_by_caroline_leideritz

A native American father tells his son

There are 2 wolves battling in my heart.

One is violent and dangerous.

The other is full of warmth and compassion.”

The son ask “Which wolf will win

The answer “The one I feed

 

 

I just read this story for the second time. Only this time from a different book.

It was Daniel Goleman latest book written with the Dali Lama, A Force for Good. Highly reccommended for building compassion and depth of understanding.

It was through Daniel Goleman  that I first started ‘formally learning’ about Emotional Intelligence. After reading just one book I got hooked and ever since have been focused on developing Emotional Intelligence (and Social Intelligence) in my life and for others.

WARNING: You may get hooked too!

 

I would really love to share a more in-depth explanation of this and share with you some of the scientific reasoning on how it works and how this is the basis for Yin and Yang.

 

wolf2

 

So looking at the wolves, you may wonder, you may ponder different meanings. And that is the magic of metaphors. You take your own meaning out of it. Since you take out your own meaning, it’s more powerful then simply being told the reason or answer.

 

The more you think about how you have feel towards the story or metaphor, the more internal or self focused you may become. Through focus comes awareness. So take a moment to really feel the picture above.

 

I’ve been fortunate to study with some of the best thought leaders known. By chance I read this metaphor by Daniel Goleman and the Dali Lama and a week later I was working through a Emotional Intelligence in Leadership course by Dr. Richard Boyatzis. Last year I also heard Dr Bruce Lipton share similar work. Dr Boyatzis and Dr Lipton shared different stories but from a scientific, highly logical or masculine angle. So what we have is a pile of experts explaining something in various different language patterns and also emphasizing how important this is to individuals and the collective whole.

 

In Taoism, or Eastern works they say (in very brief words) Yin Yang represents the dualistic nature of life. Yin Yang is also represented in our body/souls. Yin Yang are opposites. In the above picture one is evil one is good which is completely wrong in Taoism. But it may help you understand, one is compassion, peaceful, kind. While the other is non compassion, anger, superiority.  I say it’s wrong in Taoism as the label of evil in western language means something to be avoid and really bad. Sometimes it’s natural and perfectly good to feel anger. Don’t avoid either side, as all sides and emotions make up the whole. Life should be whole rather than dualistic.

 

Now what I really want to share with you is not about Taoism or Yin Yang. It’s about the Autonomic Nervous System.

Under that light, these wolves form part of larger system. That system could well be labeled the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS). In short, it’s purpose is to regulate the body’s unconscious actions. It is divided into two further systems. The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and the Para-sympathetic Nervous System (PNS).

 

System 1.
The Sympathetic Nervous System.

It’s primary process is to stimulate the body’s fight-or-flight response. When we undergo stress or anger, this sympathetic nervous system fires up accelerating the heart rate, and constricting blood vessels which increases blood pressure along with a couple of other changes to body. You see with more blood racing out to our arms and legs we are able to run faster or fight more efficiently.

As a consequence, we have less blood in our brain. Our ability to think logically goes down. When fighting with someone or running from an animal you don’t need logic. Run! Fight!

In fact when fighting an instinct takes over not logic.

Another example is when you’re running late, and can’t find your keys. You start stressing, look frantically and then relies there in your back pocket.

 

System 2.
The Para-sympathetic Nervous System.

The parasympathetic system kicks in through mindfulness, faith, hope, compassion, seeing kids laugh, patting a dog, experiencing joy with friends, having intimate moments with a lover.

When we do these things the parasympathetic system lowers the heart rate, lowers blood pressure, allows more blood to flow into the head. This results further in boosting the immune system. It not only works again but the body goes into recovery mode, rejuvenating, rebuilding the body.

It’s with this system that you’re at your cognitive best. And on every measure done, you’re in a better state.

Sympathetic and parasympathetic divisions typically function in opposition to each other.

This natural opposition is better understood as complementary in nature rather than antagonistic. Hence previously mentioning good and evil as being wrong. They compliment each other and are both necessary in life. Yin and Yang is a break down of the whole. You can’t remove either one. A problem, the problem is to much of either side can bring imbalance.

 

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Now your action. What you need to do is to simply be aware of what nervous system mode you are in. The more you are aware the more you can influence. So I would like to ask you to consciously ask yourself through out the day, where am I? Am I in the stressed sympathetic or relaxed para-sympathetic mode.

When have I been using each system? What could happen if I used the other mode?

In our modern lives we really need to ensure we have our parasympathetic systems kicking in as much as we can. The stress will come in due course, that’s for sure. But don’t put off getting back into balance. If you’re going to be out of balance, consider being out of balance with laughter and compassion so you can bounce back, rather than anger and stress.

Have a great day, thanks for reading and sharing this with your friends. Much love and warmth.

 

Adrian Cahill

 

Update. 2017.

Have had amazing success reducing stress in clients through using Heartmaths and mBraining. Here is a diagram from Heartmaths which illustrates what happens when you become to out of balance with too much Sympathetic Nervous System. This is serious stuff. If your suffering like this, simply schedule a session with me. We can help in less than 50 minutes.

https://www.calendly.com/adriancahill/virtualcoffeeamisufferingburnoutsyndrome

Neuro Logical Levels (or Neurological levels) is one of the most interesting frameworks I have ever seen in the Coaching / Personal Development world. It is in my opion the best NLP Coaching Model to date. 

Regardless if you’re working as a change agent, or looking for change yourself, this will assist you in understanding and gaining a very high level of awareness of yourself and others.

Reading this alone will give you insight. Spending more time with it and revisiting it will bring more. If you practice it, you may find yourself able to recognise or even track conversations as they go up and down the levels. As a agent of change, you may begin to recognise on what level a presented challenge is at, where the deeper challenge is, and if you develop skills in Coaching/NLP with me, you will learn which models/tools/questions to ask to create trance-formation, or rapid change (perhaps both) with a big smile on your face. 

 

Very brief background: Neuro Logical Levels is a METAPHOR. It was developed by Robert Dilts and is often taught in NLP and non-NLP Coaching Courses. 

 

Deeper background: Neuro Logical Levels is a controversial but widely used model (and I would say effective model). An extension of Logical Levels or Logical Types which was pre-NLP days. The levels and types were perhaps brought into the NLP world by Gregory Bateson. In his book, Ecology of Mind, (a challenging but enlightening read), Gregory eluded to deeper structures and in my opinion, was on the edge of many great discoveries of the mind. Gregory Bateson assisted the creation of NLP greatly and enthusiastically. He provided support and valuable introductions, like the introduction to Milton Erickson.  Both Gregory and Milton spent time with one of the young NLP students Robert Dilts. Robert like many recognised there was like layers or levels of the mind, perhaps between reality, action, beliefs and Robert brought this model into the world. On a far deeper look at what are logical levels and logical types, this model according to John Grinder, Co-Creator of NLP, is not true to the rules of logical types. I  was training with John Grinder and he showed my class how this model was false and not even a part of NLP. For me personally, military background, results-focused, this model worked a lot for me, I’ll continue to use it, I’ll teach it on Coaching Courses, and NLP Coaching Courses, but I will leave it out of NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner courses.   

 

 

Neuro Logical Levels:

Best NLP Coaching Model (so far)

In the processes of learning, change, and communication there are, metaphorically speaking, natural hierarchies of logical levels. In logical levels, you have sets and subsets. wheels, frame, bumbper, lights, can be parts of a car. Toyota, Ford, Tesla are cars. Cars are a form of transport. What is in and out of the level is upto the creators intentions. The intentions of Robert Dilts in creating this model, I believe was to assist agents of change in learning how to assist/create change.

 

Robert calls them, Neuro Logical levels as they reflect levels in the way we can process or think about them.

Example, if we are talking about offices in the context of; how noisy the office is, where the office is, how big is the office, how many people could fit in the office. These are all forms of focusing on the environment level.

If we were to talk about someone bullying in the office, coming to work early or late, procrastinating about what to do, etc. This is all forms of focusing on behaviour. Behaviour in the office. 

If we talk about a supervisor instructing staff to work overtime. This could be seen as a supervisor using their capabilities to affect behaviour

Why is the supervisor instructing staff to work overtime? This may draw out some of the beliefs of the supervisor. They believe it’s their role or in their capabilities to instruct staff to change them. They may value, a performance bonus, or efficiency. 

The supervisor, like all of us, has a value system, and perhaps they have a high value for work output. If they didn’t value work, they may not last long at the company. Some supervisors really seem to value, being in charge.

It’s like part of their Identity, a responsible leader.  Perhaps at work, they assume the identity of a responsible leader. And at home, they may play the role or identity of a parent, or lover. 

Spirituality means many things to many people. To our Supervisor, he may consider it a connection to a god, maybe a higher purpose. 

All these words are metaphors, and this model is to assists us to process but don’t get to caught up or stuck in any part. 

 

The function of each Neuro Logical Level in the hierarchy is to organize the information below it.

Example, a person’s behaviour results in changes to the environment around them. When a person walks into a room, they take up space and regardless of their behaviour, it will always affect the environment. The environment is generally the result of the persons behaviour. If the person regularly displays outstanding, high performing behaviour, you would expect the environment to reflect this.

 

Changing something on a lower Neuro Logical Level of the hierarchy could, but would not necessarily affect the levels above it. 

Example, if a person is regularly depressed, very messy, has disorganised behavioural patterns, one may imagine that if he changes where he lives, he will still have those behaviours. It could affect his behaviour. He could suddenly become excited, happy and organised if he was placed on Hawaii. However, his old behaviours were there for a reason. Those old reasons could still be present.

The problem as Einstein said, “You can’t solve the problem with the same thinking that created it.”

Often I see people that suffer from procrastination attempt to fix it with behavioural changes. I congratulate them on trying and have compassion for them as it won’t work. I see this all the time. People struggle to complete tasks, so they form new tasks! Only this time they add an exclamation mark or write IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I’ve also seen people struggle with procrastination buying online courses or books on productivity and sadly (perhaps obviously to everybody else) not finish them. The book or course may on the same level, behaviours, or it may be working on a level above the problem, here that would be capability. To avoid procrastination forever, (a rather simple feat if you know how) you have to work on higher levels then the problem hence the top-down approach used by most expert coaches/agents of change.

Making changes using a top-down approach.

Example, take a disorganised person and help them develop multi-tasking, scheduling, and organisational skills. This might work, only we may be taking on the challenge at the same level or slightly higher.

Making a change at the upper levels changes everything below it in order to support the higher level change. However working one level above the problem isn’t enough. The disorganised person, can still show a lot disorganised behaviour. Here the ‘Disorganised person’ is not a capability factor. Its part of their identity. The person may have grown up all their life being a disorganised person and no amount of capability changes will alter their behaviour if that behaviour is part of their identity. That’s like trying to move a tent, but the tent pegs are still in the ground.

If we work with the disorganised person on the level of Identity. And say, the Identity of the person is shifted and they see themselves as an efficient, successful person, the Values shift too. If something like,  ‘Organised’ or ‘Being Organised’ becomes a high value, than the beliefs, capabilities and behaviour is also modified as a result.  

 

You can use this model yourself and I encourage you to print out or copy this article.

Remember the following:

  • Spirituality – Change for whom and/or what purpose?
  • Identity – Does change reflect who I am?
  • Values and beliefs- Why make the change?
  • Capabilities and Skills- Change how?
  • Behaviours – Change what?
  • Environment – Where to change?

 

An insight into how I create my magic.

Honestly guys, 70% of what I do with people is work on the higher Neuro Logical Levels. This may be obvious, however often it’s done unconsciously. I may ask questions to someone about their challenge, then perhaps appear to ask unrelated questions about other things. These questions may lead to them focusing on the details of some of the biggest challenges they have accomplished. Then switch back to the challenge they were having currently and suddenly, they identify with the challenge differently. Suddenly, it’s not as big any more. So there you go and you can see how that can be very effective and also done without awareness.

What I really love is the amount of times I speak with someone, feel like it was nothing, but then a week later, get a message from them going something like.

“Adrian, you wouldn’t believe what just happened….”

Often people get immediate results, sometimes they take weeks. It’s amazing though how effective it is. And you can do some of this yourself! In fact, many of us are trying to do it ourselves every 1st of January, or on our birthdays. We attempt to redefine who we are with new years/birthday resolutions or simply buying gym memberships. Sadly though, a lot of these changes are just surface. We generally need one of two things.

A near death experience, something tragic, a death in the family or a heart attack, before there is enough leverage to create a deep change.

Someone to work with us and guide/push/pull or cheer us through the process.

As a NLP Coach I often find myself artificially creating heavy leverage to push a person to change. Just the other day I had a participant talk about the hard time he had cutting back sugar. I gave him an artificial near death experience, and guess what? It suddenly became much easier for him to say no to sugar. In fact when I spoke to him 7 days later he had cut back his Sugar content 80-90% and was on top of the world.

 

Now that you have learned this:

Instead of listening deeply in every conversation, try listening briefly and keep an eye on the Neuro Logical levels. Now you should be able to identify which level the conversation is on. If you really want to take this to new heights join one of our coaching or training programs so you can not only know, but drive the conversation and create positive change in those you care about. Or perhaps just experience a lot of your own personal growth and development.

Thanks guys, Neuro Logical Levels was brought to you by Adrian Cahill.

Feel free to contact me if you want to do any NLP or Coaching Training. I am lead trainer or a co-trainer on various courses around Asia region and many of my colleges have great training in other areas. So just shout out! 

A couple of us in NLP Trainers Training with John Grinder, Carmen Bostic and Michael Carroll

 

Register here for any future Coaching or Training.

In this article, we are going to cover the basics of NLP Anchoring. Perhaps you will get some insight to how to improve or use this in your daily life. By the end you will know the various forms of anchors and how you can set one.

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What is NLP Anchoring (or a Anchor in Coaching talk)?

An anchor is a stimulus that creates a response in either you or in another person. It could be as simple as a stop sign or a word.

When an individual is at a peak of an experience, during an intense. emotional state, and if a specific stimulus is applied, a neurological link is established between the emotional state and the stimulus. As Dr Joe Dispenza likes to say, Neurons that fire together, wire together. And with NLP we wire that neural activity to a anchor such as the stop sign or word.

Some anchors span each of our representational systems (or senses) and these are generally more powerful then using just one system. Often I’ll meditate and prior to starting use a little oil or incense to anchor / prepare mentally for the coming meditation.

We develop good and bad anchors automatically throughout our lives. Often people ask me to work with removing anchors even though they have no idea of that language. NLP Coaching or training will help enable you to identify and choose anchors while for most people it’s completely unconscious.

A great anchor is ‘used against us’ when they have comfort breaks in the middle of the film at the cinemas. As soon as you walk into a cinema it’s pretty hard to not notice the smell of popcorn. Even people that don’t normally eat popcorn often find themselves buying it the cinemas.

Greater or more mischievous anchors commonly exists in romantic and family relationships. If you are already in a relationship you may like to talk to a NLP Coach about collapsing anchors that already exist in your relationship.

If you would like to learn more about NLP anchoring, including learning the various anchoring techniques described below, then you can join us at one of our NLP Training Courses or apply for a session with a NLP certified Coach.

 

Keys to effective anchoring

  • Intensity of experience. Make sure that the intensity of the experience is high.
  • Timing of the anchor.  Apply the anchor when the intensity of the experience is at its highest.
  • Uniqueness of the stimulus.  Use a part of the body that is not normally touched eg Knuckle.
  • Replication of the stimulus.  Reapply the stimulus repeatedly to ensure that the anchor is firmly embedded into the neurology.
  • Number of times. Test the anchor repeatedly to exercise the neural pathway.

You can generate visualauditorykinestheticolfactory, and gustatory anchors.  The least preferred representational system of a person is the one that it is most powerful to use with them as it is the one that you are most sensitive to.

 

Steps in NLP Anchoring

  1. Recall a past vivid event, experience.
  2. Anchor – provide a specific stimulus.
  3. Change state.
  4. Test (Place the stimulus) – Evolve the state.

 

Example Exercise: Anchoring the feeling of confidence.

  1. Recall a time when you felt really confident.  When you think of that time do you have a picture?  Get that picture.
  2. When you notice the picture place a finger from one hand on the knuckle of the other hand (remember which knuckle you selected!).  Release the finger after a maximum of 20 seconds or earlier if you get the sense of the picture or feeling leaving you.
  3. Change your state by looking out of the window or smelling the air in the room that you are in.
  4. Replace your finger on the knuckle and notice for that feeling of confidence returning.

 

 

 

NLP Resource Anchor

An anchor for when you want to boost energy, confidence, motivation, or any other powerful state of being. One that you do for yourself. Pray is a great example.

 

NLP Stacked Anchor

A number of anchors stacked together to increase intensity of the required state. Sometimes I have my clients creating a stacked anchor for excellence. Here we may stack confidence, excitement, fun, humour and compassion on top of each other. Next we an anchor this to a convenient stimulus like rubbing a ring while saying quietly “I can do anything with compassion”.

 

NLP Chaining Anchors

Sequential process of moving to a significantly different state.

Useful for when a client has a significant difference between their present state and the desired state. Each state builds on the one before until the desired state is reached.

 

NLP Collapse Anchor

Replacing a negative anchor with a positive one for the same stimulus. 

(Great for nasty relationships and bad habits)

 

NLP Search Anchor

An anchor used to identify the source of a problem or issue.

(Great for personal development and certain types of meditation)

Ok, now you have a good knowledge base, time for you to create your own Anchor for excellence or perhaps a powerful stacked anchor. Once you have created one, it’s up to you to build it up and make it more powerful and more useful through practice.

If in China or on Wechat: feel free to follow our channel or connect with Adrian Cahill to ask any of your NLP, Coaching or Professional Development questions.

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If life was a garden

Recently I was asked by a client in Shanghai about removing negative thought patterns. In fact, I’m kinda asked this a lot however not always so directly. 

Removing negative thought patterns:

One might wonder how good it would be to remove your negative thought patterns however there is a bit more to it then simply just loosing it. If they were removed, what would take its place. One might imagine there could be a vacuum, or an abscence. Since ever action has a reaction. Or every effect, has a cause.

I like to imagine it like a garden.

Hence The Garden Metaphor.

If life was a garden, what would you want to grow?

It’s a simple and effective metaphor to a successful life. Pull out the weeds, grow beautiful plants.

1. Love and warmth
2. Appreciation and gratitude
3. Curiosity
4. Passion
5. Devotion
6. Confident
7. Flexible
8. Cheeky Vibrant Excited
9. Healthy energetic
10. Helping others, fulfilled

We also call these plants, Power Emotions.
Powerful emotions which fuel us and give us strength. Wouldn’t it be great to be feeling these emotions everyday!

Sometimes there are weeds in my garden.  Sometimes there is anger, exhaustion,  sadness.

Removing negative thought patterns:

It’s ok to want to pull these weeds out. Our society often sees them as bad or negative but we need to realise that bad or negative are judgements. Generally people percieve judging as bad, yet we are quick to judge bad or negative emotions. Perhaps we should call these, less plesant emotions. And we need to realise that we couldn’t exsist without them. They form part of the circle of life. However they are part of the circle, and certainly shouldn’t be experienced in excess. 
 
So we need to recognise these emotions are here for a reason.
Sometimes we pull one out and another grows quickly in its place. Especially if the ground is bare.

You wouldn’t pull out all the weeds and just leave it bare would you? No you would pull them out and quickly replace them with plants or weedproof matting. And good gardeners know, there is no such thing as weed proof. Only weed resistant. So I look at the weed before I pull it out. It’s grown there for a reason.  Why is that.  Oh, I need more beautiful plants or perhaps its time to plant some flexibility or devotion.

In order to remove the weeds effectively, what if instead of focusing on the weeds, we were to do our best to grow strong beautiful plants which will bear fruit and seeds for more beautiful plants. Slowly, or perhaps quickly one could end up with a beautiful garden, perhaps so beautiful that any remaining weeds are barely noticed or a problem anymore.
 

Fill your life like a beautiful garden.  Appreciate that weeds are as natural as flowers. I’m sure if you keep a focus on this trying to remove negative thought patterns will be a thing of the past.

 
These Power Emotions came from Tony Robbins. One of my favourite teachers. I spent all this June studying for Master Practitioner in New Code NLP with Daniel Smith in Beijing and of an evening going over Tony Robbins Relationship course. Tony himself uses a fair bit of NLP in his work however he also brings out a lot of stuff I haven’t seen anywhere else. I dream and hope to be able to help people as good as he does. And, I really look forward to helping you and your development in growing loveable life.
If life was a garden

The saying goes, “Learn from those who have done it”. When it comes to Adrian it’s all experience. Being able to leave his full time job and travel for over 4 years before the age of 28 is an accomplishment most people dream of at the age of 58.…   Brian Peters, www.peterspartnership.com.au

 

For those that who don’t know, I’m one of the most experienced Couch Surfers in Australia and China (where I spend half my time). I’ve met thousands of members and stayed in over a hundred houses with over a hundred people being accommodated with me in my house. This has given me a fantastic opportunity to learn and share with people all around the world.

Since 2007 I’ve been studying Emotional Intelligence and later NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP is often used for coaching others to success or adjusting psychology/influence to get positive results. I later went on to study Life Coaching under the ICF (International Coaching Federation) as well to increase my ability to help others and play a great positive role in the communities I’m active in.

Coaching is totally fantastic. The success rates achieved by qualified and experienced coaches are so high. Honestly, I started NLP Coaching in 2012. It wasn’t until I combined that with what I was leaning from the ICF that I really started to see results. .

CoachingICF3

 

In NLP and Coaching, we share a saying:

“Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available.”

I feel that this could be modified to:

“Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they think they have available.”

 

Well now your getting a grip on what Coaching is, you know I and other Coaches often offer some free coaching so logically, your resources have just increased no matter what your circumstances are.

 

Now lets see this in action with an example of some NLP Coaching in Kuala Lumpur with my good friend/client Chen.

Chen doesn’t pay me directly, and originally we were just friends however we created this Mentor-Student-Coaching relationship.

Chen has a strong desire to improve his dating and has read a couple of books about picking up girls, or dating as a polite way to say it. I also read a couple of books about dating and became so good at it, that I ended up with countless girlfriends across Europe/Asia. It’s unbelievable how easy and rewarding dating can be when one has a deep understanding of them selves, others and communication.

Now Chen sees this as an opportunity to ask questions and sort out some of his thoughts. “Is this dating stuff in the books for real? Does it work?”

I’m sitting opposite Chen nodding up and down. “Yes mate, it certainly CAN work. It can be amazing when you figure it out. You can find what you are looking for!”

Chen has one big problem holding him back. (This is pretty good, normally people have much more, or we are just looking at one issue here now):

“I’m Malaysian Chinese man! No girl wants to date me, just look at me,” said Chen.

Chen is an average character, not really good looking but certainly not ugly. He has a non-athletic with Chinese appearance. Chen believes girls don’t find this attractive and this is the reason why he can’t get a date. In fact Chen even told me many Malaysian Indian guys were doing better than him and when he saw them succeeding with girls from his university he got even more stressed. Chen firmly believed that he couldn’t get a date because he is of Chinese appearance .

This is what we call a “Limiting Belief”. Some people think it’s there teeth, their lack of confidence or alpha status. Some think it’s an ability to connect or not knowing what to say.

“I’m Malaysian Chinese man! No girl wants to date me, just look at me.”

 

There are many techniques for changing or blowing  out a Limiting Beliefs. For Chen’s limiting belief I went at it from two angles. Firstly challenging, secondly re-framing. These are the kind of questions I asked:   (Please note, this came from Chen at the time. There not my beliefs!)

  • What’s the problem? – I’m Chinese. Girls don’t want to date Chinese
  • How is that really a problem? – Girls don’t like Chinese.
  • Don’t they? Says Who? – Everyone knows it.
  • Why is that?  – Because Chinese is not good enough and not attractive.
  • Why is that? – Chinese don’t do attractive things. We don’t look masculine or fit.

 

The thing here is that for Chen, he believes that Chinese guys are unattractive. There is nothing actually wrong with him, just his self-image.

Secondly, we worked on re-framing the situation with some NLP techniques and after 30 minutes this is what we got from Chris.

“Ordinary Chinese are not physically attractive to most western women and I can use this to my advantage. Women won’t suspect or see me coming! They can judge me however they want. And if they judge me poorly, I can use it to my advantage! it will be even easier to sweep them off their feet! I can talk to them easily, confidentially and friendly.”

“I’m not really masculine or strong, but I’m not fat. I’m actually pretty healthy.”

“The real reason I haven’t had much success is that I thought I wasn’t good enough. I’m definitely good enough for a great woman and I will concentrate more on reinforcing a better self image!”

 Done. Limiting belief challenged and re-framed positively!

 

Six months later, I went past Malaysia and visited Chen again. He looks like a new man. He put on a few Kilograms of muscle. He had been going to the gym because he has become genuinely interested in his health and fitness. He even had a big thick book with him about Men’s Health and was reading ALL of it. It was fantastic to see his new passion and zest for life.

 

Twelve months later, I passed again and Chen now lives a very healthier lifestyle, attends a weekly Salsa event where he is making himself known for spinning the women around on and off the dance floor. Chen is no longer dating as he has himself a great girlfriend from Finland.

Just a couple of directed, well worded questions helped Chen see things from a new angle which lead to him being a much better person and ultimately finding a dream Girlfriend. It doesn’t always work like out like. Well, it more often does. But be aware, some things are un-coachable. Just hit the contact button and ask away though. Although I’m not spending much time Coaching in Kuala Lumpur these days. I would love to visit Chen and my friends there and well, hey, Malaysia rocks!

 

Now remember, “Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available” or “Everyone is choosing what to do with the resources they think they have available”. So you know you can contact me, and if we were friends before Salamat datang, and even if we weren’t you can still contact me with your questions. If your a person that takes action, now would be a good time.

In addition to this, here is a good article about how to gain more social confidence. Great if your trying to improve your dating life!!

words to ponder

How to hire a coach may seem simple but it’s often not. So this is an article for those looking at hiring me or any coach. Here I will share how to hire a coach, and valuable insights. Really upfront and honest is my favourite approach to most things in life. 

Spending money on yourself is one of the best investments you can make provided you are likely to get a good return. Investing in books or online courses can be great investments if you action what you read and really implement it. Although people are often telling me reading or online courses rarely get them long term results. Often people suffer procrastination and fear of actually pursuing big goals, therefore for those people, buying more literature can be another form of procrastination. A way to keep busy, keeping up the appearance of progress meanwhile avoiding the tough questions we often need to ask ourselves.

CAN YOU ACTUALLY GET MASSIVE RESULTS BY YOURSELF?

I believe you can, but if you could, you already would.  

 

There are various types of coaching and just briefly, I see life coaching as the basis. The most abstract. Business, Executive, Relationship, Leadership Coaches as those focusing in on the specifics. In my opinion, one should start abstract, grasp a solid big picture, build a solid foundation, then focus in on the specifics in a logical highly effective sequence. It’s pointless focusing on a relationship, business or role that doesn’t fit with your values or lead to your mid-long term objectives.  

 

How to hire a coach: ROI, Return On Investment?

Good coaching should ideally give you a return at least 5 times the size of your investment. Just as surfing lessons initially cost, but save you tons of time (and potentially save you from getting dumped hard on a shallow reef and breaking your back). 

It’s obviously hard to measure the value of being …… Fulfilled. Or satisfied with life…

There have been countless studies by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) showing the returns. One client of mine went from a break-up in a mismatched relationship to getting engaged with a great match in 6 months. Another recently made his first million. Many have changed jobs/careers. Some have saved their relationship. One is about to take list their company on the stock market. 

 

How to hire a coach: Do people regret coaching? 

Honestly, I think some do. I hear this a lot and 95% of the time the coaches were not accredited. The ICF is the worlds largest coaching body, however, anyone can call themselves a coach or author, motivational speaker, CEO, founder etc. My 3-year-old daughter can claim all those titles whenever she comes back from daycare. 

Many self-proclaimed coaches, guru’s, experts have had little to no specific training. To me, these many of these untrained coaches are like washed up surf bums selling themselves at the tourist carpark pretending they are pro’s. They could have possibly been pro’s. Often you can recognise them by a Bali or beachside video or selfies next to a sporst car…..

If you are a coach, simply ask to see their Linkedin profile and ICF Accreditation (My Linkedin profile is here). This will dramatically reduce the chances and the ICF also provides an avenue for any problems if it falls apart. I see a lot of complaints about coaches after attending events like Tony Robbins. The complaints are always unaccredited coaches. 

 How to hire a coach in china

 

How to hire a coach: What to look for? 

  • Training. A great coach is often trained in NLP. They should have a Practitioner, Master Practitioner or NLP Trainers Certificate.  This is a core set of skills which lead to accelerated results. (Tony Robbins is a high-level expert in NLP, note he also sells some of the cheapest training available online however his certifications are not really valued much outside of his fan base) 

 

  • ICF (International Coaching Federation) Accreditation. ICF is the worlds biggest coaching body. There are many cheap online courses and books available on coaching but to get the ICF credential is quite some work. There is strict credentialing procedures so few make it all the way. If Coaches make it through you will see them using the ICF logo and one of the following 3 levels ACC, PCC, or MCC. Please note there is also the EMCC (European Mentoring and Coaching Council) which is the European equivalent, only applicable for coaches focused on or with Europeans. I personally went out and got this as maybe half of my online clients are European and I look forward to running training in Europe towards 2020. 

 

  • Ideally, the coach should have a background or understanding in those things you’re striving for. They do not need experience in your industry. That could be a roadblock. What is optimal is if they have helped support others through the challenges you are faced with. 

 

  • Money Back Guarantee. I often offer a money back guarantee on the condition that the person being coached, turns up. No turning up, no refund. Often clients may struggle and it wouldn’t be fair to offer a such a simple way out. Imagine if gyms did this! Therefore my money back guarantee is simply based on the client turning up regularly. No one gets results going to the gym once a month. Subscribe to a set of sessions, turn up weekly or fortnightly, results guaranteed. 

 

  • A track record of successful clients.  This track record should be open and publicly displayed on Linkedin. Yes I’m sure there are some good coaches without Linkedin but really, is your serious about what you do your profile should reflect it. Please note, it’s common for many people to play the fake it game. Hence why I always encourage Linkedin. Also note, many new coaches can and will work happily for a low fee to gain experience and develop.

 

A final quick and simple sign for a good coach or a good doctor for that matter, the first call is substantial. 

 

How to hire a coach in china

 

How to hire a coach: But I don’t have a budget.

Seeking a coach is a great form of investment in yourself yet most people don’t have the budget for it.

WHO ON EARTH HAS A COACHING BUDGET?

I’ll tell you who. They worlds top performers, athletes and executives do. Successful small, medium, big, business owners, CEO’s and partners often do.

But you probably don’t.

That’s ok, it’s not your fault.

Did you go to university? Do you know how much people spend on attending university? Often they can’t afford it, but they find a way.

After all, spending xxx,xxx on University plus x years studying. Suddenly investing in your own coach is something you can’t afford not to do.

You spent x years studying. X years working. Why not spend 1 year with a coach focused on working for you!

Can you really afford NOT TO BE WORKING ON YOUR IMPROVING YOUR OWN LIFE. Instead of ‘How to hire a coach’, perhaps it should have been called ‘How can you not have a coach’. 

 

 

How to hire a coach: My costs as at November 2017.

For an ICF PCC level coach with Masters in NLP, the standard company rate in China varies from ¥3000-6000 per hour. For most of my clients this is simply too much so I have highest to lowest cost below.  

My preferred way of working is ¥88,000 or $13,888 USD for a full year. This covers EVERYTHING for the year including calls to my team! My Relationships Coach and Mindfulness Coach will be available for you. A headset to monitor and train your self to go to deep levels of powerful meditation in between (and sometimes during) our sessions will be sent to your home upon starting. This option guarantees long term change. If you use the headset and train at least an hour a week I will completely back pathway with a money back guarantee. This coaching option is by application only. To be eligible, one should be earning over ¥40,000 a month or a founder of a business with employees.

Individual Coaching/Mentoring Strategy Sessions are available for purchase for ¥2,000 a session 
If purchasing 3 or more sessions, a discount of 10-30% is available. 
If purchasing 8 or more sessions, a discount of  20-50% is available.

Discount to be discussed. 

For those earning under ¥25,000 per month, or limited savings, I have trainee coaches, mindfulness coaches and psychologist that may be available to assist. (I’ve personally also coached for an exchange of services, for example, I coached an electrical company in my hometown and they did electrical work for one of my properties). Or sometimes I’ll do a discount if all the ‘coaching’ is done in specific times (or gaps in my schedule). So please just let me know what may work for you. Everyone can grow with a coach. 

 

To schedule a virtual chat to discuss pathways, please click here: www.calendly.com/adriancahill/virtualcoffee

For booking strategy sessions (upto 90 minutes), please click here: www.calendly.com/adriancahill/strategysession 

How to hire a coach in china

 

 

 

 

 

Big hug

Adrian

 

My Grandfather used to always say, “I wish I was born with money rather than good looks”.

I always felt like saying “It wouldn’t really matter, if you were born with money you would be broke by now anyway.“

I don’t mean that to be an insult in anyway. I love my grandparents to bits! In fact they taught me all about working hard and good work ethic.

 

 

The way it’s always been done…

My Grandparents and parents worked very hard so we could have a nice life here in Australia. They may have been entrepreneurial or business minded at times, but generally they believed in:

“A honest days pay for a honest days work”

And

“Money doesn’t grow on trees”

I personally grew up believing I would be a great worker and I will get rich by working smarter and harder than anyone else. From my family I knew good work ethic. And good work ethic people went about their day exchanging time for money.

Generally my grandparents were patient. They invested in assets such as a property which would slowly grow in value over the years. Often the prices doubling in your average 7-10year time frame. Financial success came at very high cost of 50-80 hours a week. Often there was another cost. The toll it took on their time, family, health, social life, recreation if they had any time left over for this. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you got to go out and earn it.

 

 

The New Rich, is it real?

The New Rich on the other hand is about achieving the cash flow and freedom now. Often we see these advertisements for get rich quick schemes which almost never work.

The New Rich wants to make it big without spending 50 hours per week trying.

Often they seem to do all it all on their laptop by the beach or cheering on loud audiences at some kind of seminar.

Is it really possible?

Have you met them? Do they really have that money or is it largely all talk?

From my experience around the world and coaching. The New Rich certainly do exist. However for every real new, “New Rich” person, there are countless fakers. Not necessarily fakers. It could just be there using a technique called the ‘As If Frame’. Act as if, you have what you want, and you will get it. Most of us call this, fake it till you make it.

 

 

Who are they (the genuine New Rich)?

So in real life, and getting to know people in the bigger games I’ve had a many talks and gotten to know a few of the New Rich. Most of them I’ve met through either Start Up mentoring programs or events, or through property investment groups.

Many of the New Rich were Entrepreneurs that have worked their ass off for 5-15 years before succeeding. Or Investors working hard in a job, buying lots of property or doing property developments. A couple of these entrepreneurs had passive income in excess of average salaries, or net worth in the hundreds of thousands before reaching 25.

So yes, it is certainly possible.

 

 

How do they do it?

They often take a concept such as good work ethic but somehow realised or found a way to make money grow on trees.

It’s certainly about working smarter, not harder. That is true. It’s largely about turning passions, strengths or opportunities into value. Turning that value into some kind of business or investment model.

I’m very happy to know your interested in creating wealth. In my mind, I think we all should. Especially since we can and if we don’t want it, well we can make it for those that will never get to make it or can’t access fresh water. Remember, at the end of the day, it’s not about having a million dollars in the bank. What would you do if you had a million dollars?

What would you do if you knew you were going to fail, but did it anyway?