Playboy versus Nice Guy?

Playboy versus Nice Guy?

I’ll never forget that Saturday afternoon, 2007, sitting in a beach side bar on the Gold Coast Australia. I was with my cousin and had a great day in the sun. Suddenly this girl came in to the bar and took a seat next to me. She was gorgeous and even started a conversation with me.

I thought I was the luckiest man in the world. She was funny and interesting. I was a little shy but very polite. My cousin is a super funny guy and we all proceeded talking and laughing for a 5-10 happy minutes . 

Next thing you know is this smooth, Playboy type guy came in to the scene. He pretended he knew her and totally cut my cousin and I off from our conversation. Moments later, the Playboy took her to his table to be with his friends.

My cousin and I were left there dumbfounded. Honestly, I doubt he even knew her. In fact later I found out that he didn’t. Pretending to know her was a pick-up line. He used which clearly worked. I hated this Playboy. I watched him frequently with bitterness and spite. I saw him repeatedly approaching and succeeding with women almost every time he entered the bar. 

This event really shook me up. Not just that he did it. The fact that he did it over and over again. I was annoyed, bitter and angry. At the time I was coming out from a 7 year old relationship. I was clearly clueless about talking to women and the whole dating thing. Yet this guy was just walking up to women like it was totally natural to approach and be friend gorgeous strangers.

Being a soldier I was pretty fit, healthy, clean cut and a traditional gentleman. Wasn’t I a good catch for a woman? Isn’t health, manners, stable job, secure future, courtesy, respect, and all the rest more important for a woman than smooth lines from a playboy?

Gradually, I became more aware of my self; the dating game and the bigger picture. Luckily I learned how to talk to the opposite sex. Slowly I became more confident, more knowledgeable and even helped others improve their dating.

Recently, I met with some Dating Coaches and PUA who have provided some enlightenment on the topic.

Many Dating Coaches and members of the ‘Pick Up’ community differ with my original ideas.  They say charisma, humor, being busy and challenging are better ways to catch a woman than my nice guy approach.  They say women don’t want a nice guy. They actually want to be challenged and want what they called “an emotional roller coaster ride.”

Well, I was probably the flattest roller coaster in the world. I had no idea about challenging her. Why would I pretend I’m busy and make it hard for her? Charisma, isn’t that a personality trait? You can’t fake that. Being single and dating can be rather stressful to say at least. Now the Dating Coaches tell me I should play hard to get and challenging. That just didn’t make sense.

Currently, one of my best friends is training young men in the Pick Up game. Initially I was really surprised to find out that guys were paying my mate for lessons on how to pick up chicks! I asked my friend if he was seriously getting paid to do it. He simply asked me how much money I had paid on coaching and making money seminars.

Well, I’ve spent thousands of dollars on my financial education. I guess it has paid off. I made $400USD this morning before getting out of bed. I don’t want to be filthy rich. Just want live life my way. A smarter way. My friend the PUA Coach said that most of his clients don’t want to be playboys, however they want to choose their next partner or help to find their dream partner. That I can relate too.

I’m not sold on teaching guys to be a Playboy. However I am sold on self development. For my friends and clients I recommend a balanced approached to developing all areas of your life. By improving all areas of our life we naturally attract more people. For relationships and dating I most strongly recommend reading ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus‘.

For young Men or Women looking for specific PUA training just Google it. Sure you will find enough.

What’s the value of finding the right person for you?